The Soul Searching Year

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We all categorize the years we have lived into mental manila folders labeled with the most influential moments we faced that particular year. The year I graduated from college. The year I married my best friend. The year my father passed away.

I have to say almost every year in my life, thus far, I have been able to label it and file it away. But this year has been a challenge. I’m not doing much in my life right now. I sit at home, as an unemployed woman, staring at the ceiling wondering what’s in it for me? Then, as I was binge watching Gossip Girl on Netflix (yes, I know…judge away) it dawned on me – this has been my year of soul searching.

For months, I sulked around the house, over watered my succulent plants and tried to figure out what I was meant to do in this life. And I finally walked straight into my brick “destiny wall,” fell flat on my face and realized what I am supposed to do is something I have been doing for years: writing stories.

This is a frightening truth to testify to the world. I have bounced around as a reporter to a marketing director for a home health agency and then worked as a wedding designer. A confusing and intertwined plethora of career paths I have juggled and switched since graduating college. I was worried friends, peers and even strangers on the street would point fingers and say, “This girl is lost.” And I was lost for some time and, some days, I still feel like my compass is pointing me in a different direction. But what kicks you to the ground only gets you motivated to knock off the dust and move forward towards something great. And to be honest, now, I don’t give a care in the world if I have juggled careers and have been completely clueless about my path in life.

In the past, I have been fearful about sharing my thoughts and written stories with the world. But, as Elizabeth Gilbert wrote in Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear, “Fear is always triggered by creativity, because creativity asks you to enter into realms of uncertain outcome. This is nothing to be ashamed of. It is, however, something to be dealt with.” 

Dealing with this fear was something I absolutely avoided like the plague. I would sit down at my computer and try to write a short fictional story or create a book synopsis, and then would walk away for weeks, convinced no one will read this crap. But, this love for writing is something I can’t give up anymore and it’s time I pursue this love affair.

Elizabeth Gilbert’s words in Big Magic changed my perspective on many obstacles I faced.

  1. The world will always be unfair and there’s no point in acting like a victim and moping around the house. It’s time to pursue your greatest work, even if you have to do it consumed in fear and uncertainty.
  2. Laying on the couch watching Blair Waldorf boss around her Upper East Side minions for the thousandth time and procrastinating on your dream is silly and a waste of time.
  3. It’s time to pursue a creative life even if my work is criticized and unloved, at least I created something that fills my soul.

I have created the LCS Journal as a space where I can share my thoughts, write fictional stories and hone my craft as a writer. I will be writing about whatever comes to mind; whether that is a detailed and cited research paper on why I think French Bulldogs are the greatest dog species, to writing fictional stories about life, love and happiness.

I guess this is me, shouting from the rooftop, that I’m already trekking along my path as a writer. And I know at times, I may be scared to walk along the steep ledge, cross the roaring river and throw my hands in the air, screaming, “I give up!” But, I’m dedicated to this creative life. I want to see what this adventure has in store for me and as Elizabeth said, live “a life that is driven more strongly by curiosity than by fear.”